I'll find my way back...

I leaned over the low stone wall... looking at little fish that were swimming against the current. I was wondering to myself how they survive the cold, I was admiring their determination to swim in the exact opposite direction of where the winds were leading them, when my girlfriend yells, 'Look I think its farting!'

So much for pondering... 

I laughed out loud...genuinely laughed.

We hadn't done this in a while, I thought to myself...just drive out to town in the middle of the night, eat strawberry and whipped cream, park the car halfway up the footpath, have all the men judge our road sense,  sing (If I may call it that) along with the CD, be absolutely un-lady like and just enjoy being 20ies something girls...

I looked back at Aseema and Tarini sitting on the bench, they were discussing how it would be nice to have breakfast here early in the morning... there was no one but the four of us, it was peaceful. 

Tamara stood next to me staring at the view we had of the sea, the beach in the distance and the Queens Necklace... I heard her say, "I love this city". 

It got me thinking... I love this city too... I stared at the tall buildings and the lights... it reflected so much life, so much energy, so little time to take it all  in, much like myself. I found myself thinking, would I really want to leave? 

She realized I wasn't in the mood for a conversation and went on, "I don't think any place would make me happier, as long as I'm here and you guys are here, life's good". 

I smiled, at no one in particular, and wrapped my hands around myself.
I looked down again, the fish were still struggling to swim out to sea, the current was pulling them in. They stayed close to each other, barely visible in the huge mass of muddy brown water. It was the street lamp that lit their silhouettes. 

Cold wind hit my face and it carried the smell of sea.

"Do you think they even know how huge the ocean is Trisha?" 

I looked to my left and realized that Tamara was still talking to me... 

"No", I said curtly, wondering how ironic that question seemed.

"I don't think they have an idea, but I guess they want to see more, know more, follow their instincts to where ever it will take them next. I think they're looking for adventure, for new territory. They're doing everything to fight the current." I pointed at the littlest fish of the lot. 

"I mean, its admirable right? They're getting away from here, no idea what's to come. Just going...worth the risk I guess"

Tamara was frowning at me. "They're just fish! relax woman!"

I started to laugh, I knew I was speaking for myself more than the fish and I also knew Tamara thought I was high on sugar.  

Tarini and Aseema got up and came stood to my right. The four of us just stood there for a while. 

"I miss this, it's nice no?" Aseema said to me pointedly. I knew she was saying so much more than just that.

I looked at her thinking, this is nice. I'm here with people I love, people who care, a city that has brought me up. But I wanted more...

"I lost them...!" Tamara said. 

"Who?"

"The fish!...I can't see them anymore...I can't see a fart bubble either!"

"Tamara, please relax, I'm sure they'll be fine. They don't need you to look out for them, they have each other" Tarini said, being her usual realistic self. 

We backed off from the stone wall in silence.

"Who has the keys? You still want to drive?" I asked Tamara as we walked toward the car parked on the curb.

The girls went up ahead, I hung back and turned around to look for the fish one last time, thinking of what they may have to face out at sea, out in the unknown. 

I craned my neck a little checking under the next street lamp that lit the surface.

Gone. 

"Are you coming or what? We can't leave you behind"...The three of them were sitting in the car, impatient. 

I turned to my little group and made a face. 

"Course you can leave me behind, you always have the option you know.", I stuck my tongue out at them.

Aseema gave me a knowing look. 

"I'll find my way back to you anyway..."