FACE IT

I've always been proud of some friendships I have. They've been through the years and they're still good to me. These friendships have seen me grow up, and anytime they needed me I've been there for them as I think they have been for me.
These friendships are the ones i cherish the most, it's because they MEAN SO MUCH to me...that some times I have put them before my safety, my work, my dance and my family.
These friendships are the ones I trust with my heart not to hurt me, the ones I have sometimes trusted more than my family, and that in a way made THEM FAMILY.
It's these friendships that I have turned to every now and then, and I know i have never treated them like they were second to anything. They were always on the top of my priority list. But obviously somewhere down the line things changed and i wasn't on their priority list anymore. It felt like i was holding sand..
I tried and tried, and yet they slowly began to slip away,but they were still family.
They began to distance themselves, and i knew this, i saw it...and yet they were family.
They began to distance themselves from Me and not eachother.....and yet..they were family.
They always will be. And maybe thats why it hurts so bad, when they distance themselves so much that even when I'm in front of them (as rare as it may be) they don't see me. They overlook me...They are eachothers priority and I'm not on that list.
Maybe I've been watchin it happen over sometime now...and i've known all along, and hoped for it to change. But i realized that hope wasn't enough. So i began making an effort.
When that fails, both ur effort and your hope...you begin to doubt yourself. So i began to doubt myself. Maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I'm not good enough for them, for the friendships.
And the reassureance of this doubt, comes in the smallest ways on the biggest days...
Days that are special to them, and your not included in making it special for them.
When i'm not invited to make it special.
Question is....when did I start needing an invitation to make a dear friendships special day more special?
The answer was staring me in my face and this time i had to face it...It's when they're friendships mattered to them more than mine EVER did....
And sometimes it takes the smallest things to make you realize what a big fool you've been through all those years.

Innocence

Gunshots, bloodshed, tear stained faces,
Scars and sirens, No safe places
Every move is death, they await your arrival
I wait for them to leave with bated breath,
No sound, no food, I'm deprived of freedom,
Is this how it's supposed to be, God's kingdom?

My teacher says, home's the safest place on earth,
But daddy was killed here by the fireplace
Not before they called him 'dirt'
They took Ma away that day and what happened to her
No one will say
"You're too young Farah jan, tis not for your ears",
The 'rich' kids laugh at me, I can hear their jeers,

Now khala walks me to school and back,
The school bulding is holding up even after the bomb made a big crack,
Not many girls attend now, their parents won't let them come
They're afraid their daughter may be shot by a gun

For now it's war, but one day it will stop and home will be safe again,
Teacher says,"Hope: never give up"
Ma and daddy will come back someday
I will pray very hard, say all the words right, everyday
I'll pray for peace and to bring my parents back,

Hopefully next week on my fifth birthday