Only Human

I've believed there are two kinds of people in the world, the ones who make their decisions and the ones who let things and other people make decisions for them.
Only recently i have begun doubting that belief...I've come to realize that there are those who make a decision for themselves and then have no choice but to live with the circumstances. A strange mix of the two...and strangely...I find that I am one of these people...

These are the people who regret things...sometimes they're what they like to call themselves, 'Fighters' and sometimes they'r only human and break down, even after fighting for a lost cause...
I come under the second category...My breakdown of course is totally and completely my doing....had i not made these decisions for myself I would have had good reason to blame fate and destiny...either way i would've broken down.
But if I had left it to fate and destiny then I would have suffered slowly, because i'd still be stuck in the same old rut...
With every heart burn and break and make, you learn something... decisions you make are only just a facade....A way of telling yourself that you are in control of your life...we're far from it...

There is nothing such as control...Here is where fate and destiny and everything I don't believe in messes with you...
We may make decisions for ourselves and move on and move out and move into something new that we decided we want...we've got it figured out in the head, but we're still messed up in the heart...

There are those who listen to their heart and those who listen to both their hearts and their heads...
I don't believe that anyone can listen to just their head...
I fall in the category i don't believe in...and not because i don't have a heart...
its because i chose not to be a fool...
I make the decisions and then live with where it takes me...
I may not show it, but i am only human...

For All the Unanswered Questions

“You’re lying Trisha”
No I’m not
“Yes, you are!”
Alright I am…
“When did you move on?”
I didn’t move on
“You just said so yourself!”
If you think I’m lying then why are you asking me?
“Because I can’t and I never could tell when you’re lying”
It’s because you’ve never known me…truly known me…
“When Trisha?...WHEN!”
Why are you yelling?
“Because you’re lying with a straight face”
I’m not lying with a straight face….I’m just calm
“Yeah right! Everything…you take everything for granted.
I did…I don’t anymore, I’m too careful now
“Careful?!!! You have been reckless, impulsive and you’ve been all over the place!”
I have been reckless, impulsive and all over the place…
“What!”
What
“Why the fuck are you repeating everything I’m saying?”
I’m not; it’s what I’m saying…
“You’ve never thought for yourself …always listened to those who influence you”
I’ve never listened to anyone
“Including me, you’ve never listened to me either….”
I never will
“See, you’re such a stubborn bitch!”
Always…always have been
“Why are you talking like this?”
I’m being normal; I’m making an effort, why are you still yelling?
“Are you crazy? I haven’t been yelling”
I can hear you…
“You hear and never fucking listen! You’re always lying to me…when the fuck did you move on? And to whom?”
I haven’t moved on…
“Who is he?”
I don’t know
“He’s just using you! Can’t you see…”
Who are you talking about…
“The guy…”
The guy I have moved on to…
“Yes that guy! He’s going to hurt you…”
But I haven’t moved on…
“Why are you lying again….?!”
When have you ever believed me…when have you ever listened to me...When did I move on? WHO did you hear from?!
I haven’t moved on…you have….
and I’m the one that’s lying…..


PS- i walked away from the mirror