Passing fancies was not something I was familiar with.
At first, I did not think that it was a besotted ness that wouldn’t last. Clearly my feelings ran deep. I could see.
Let me contradict myself at this point, sense (as always) comes much after the experience. Sometimes when one thing is clear, your focus on that one thing or person is so strong that, all other objects blur out in the background. My situation was a simile to this.
I saw ‘clearly’ what I was feeling and I liked what I was feeling. This, passing fancy, shall we call him, excited me. A kind of excitement I had not felt since my bruised heart had decided to shun away from feeling like….like this.
I was holding on to this feeling, holding on so hard that I barely realized what I was letting go off in the bargain. But I didn’t see it, blinded my new obsession.
Soon, I was not being my chatty self, my bubbliest of moods turning shy. I was more aware of every step, every strand of hair on my head, every word I uttered around my passing fancy.
Of course I was oblivious to how it did not matter one bit to anyone but me, I was being brutally ignored, looked over and frowned upon even.
However, I had no one to blame but myself. I was not being myself. I found it disturbingly difficult to talk, walk, and eat in the presence of his highness. Should it have been any surprise then, that I was being coined as ‘weird’?
I WAS behaving weird. Keeping in mind that this person I was turning into around my dearest fancy was nothing like the real me, I will proceed.
Day in and day out, the one thing on my fickle mind was how I was going to make him look at me, see me as ME, not this dumbfounded, fragile, sulky little introvert that I became when I was spoken to. But I could never muster the courage to be myself without becoming self conscious.
Does love do these things to you? Or do we exaggerate our fancy’s importance to such an extent that we tend to belittle ourselves?
Okay so it may not be love at all….then? Is it the looks?
…because if it is by looks that my behavior turned topsy, can you imagine what god like features passing fancies have?
As time went by and his looks or my love, (whichever it may be that appeals to your taste) increased in his favour, my effect on this fantastic fancy was just the opposite.
Ever seen ying-yang put together and thought: Poles brought together: black and white, no? Then, I’m sure that opinion would pop up if you saw me stand by my fancy. Let alone looks, I looked like Betty in front of Superman.
Clearly my complex was getting worse; I felt like nothing and yet admired everything of what I knew I could not have.
I THOUGHT I had it bad this time…
SENSE:
As all good things come to an end, this frenzy did too. Wonder why I called him ‘Passing Fancy’?
When sensibility slapped me around in the face a few times and my numb brain began to register pain. Only then did it occur to me that this wasn’t going anywhere.
How could I expect my fancy to fancy me, if it wasn’t ME at all?
I wouldn’t win over any hearts by not being myself. So I started all over again, with great restraint on my part not to be sucked in by his beauty, poise and everything else I did not have.
I was not familiar with passing fancies, and so I decided that this was something. There was something different about this fancy. The only way to cut out the PASSING from Passing Fancy was to be myself.
Not that it would necessarily work, he may not like the real me at all. Buy it’s worth a shot anyway…
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Angel
Each one us, on some level believes in Angels...for some it may be more vague than concrete and literal. We believe that at some point an Angel comes to the rescue and becomes our saviour.
Sometimes hope, faith, love and understanding come to the rescue and sometimes it takes much more. It could even be your dog or your cat and when your lucky then your angel comes in the form of a friend, sister, mother, brother, a person...
It takes a person, that one person who can pull you out of your darkest times, that one person who is always two steps behind you and yet is two steps ahead of you. That Angel knows of your every move before you know it and no one else is more beautiful than that one ray of life, your ray of life...
If you are lucky then you may have found your angel in this lifetime...and to those who haven't, make hope and faith your angels till you find that one Angel who will know you inside out.
This is for my dearest sister...
When Shadows fail to show you light
Directions lost
faith out of sight
She will come to you in the
darkest hour
All soul and beauty and she
will shower what you need
Upon you now
to take you away
from the endless fear
Ask her to stay
and you won't heal
Let her go and come as she wants
Her love of life
is not yours to grant
But when shadows fail to show
you light
she'll be your only hope
your strength
your might
Walk away now or forever hold your tongue
she is not one
but all for one
She is the angel
the angel of light
and she will but hold on when all
is said and done
Sometimes hope, faith, love and understanding come to the rescue and sometimes it takes much more. It could even be your dog or your cat and when your lucky then your angel comes in the form of a friend, sister, mother, brother, a person...
It takes a person, that one person who can pull you out of your darkest times, that one person who is always two steps behind you and yet is two steps ahead of you. That Angel knows of your every move before you know it and no one else is more beautiful than that one ray of life, your ray of life...
If you are lucky then you may have found your angel in this lifetime...and to those who haven't, make hope and faith your angels till you find that one Angel who will know you inside out.
This is for my dearest sister...
When Shadows fail to show you light
Directions lost
faith out of sight
She will come to you in the
darkest hour
All soul and beauty and she
will shower what you need
Upon you now
to take you away
from the endless fear
Ask her to stay
and you won't heal
Let her go and come as she wants
Her love of life
is not yours to grant
But when shadows fail to show
you light
she'll be your only hope
your strength
your might
Walk away now or forever hold your tongue
she is not one
but all for one
She is the angel
the angel of light
and she will but hold on when all
is said and done
Vintage Vanity
There’s a saying: Old is gold. And then there’s the saying: To maintain Old it takes Gold. This stands true for timeless cars like the ‘34 Bentley, the ‘32 Packard, Cadillac’s etc.
We’ve all been lured by the classic chromed beauty, we’ve dreamed of the miles of pleasure behind the wheel, the places we’d go and of course all those admiring looks! But nothing comes easy.
Be prepared to invest your time, money and effort to keep your mobile treasure in mint condition. Take it from me, learnt the hard way…
To own and maintain a vintage car needs passion and thorough knowledge on the subject. Restoring a classic can be time consuming, but immensely satisfying and fun. Most classic car collectors/owners love the process of restoring a car or keeping it running.
The best buys in vintage cars are the ones which come with their original body and engine, no matter what condition
Re-painting, fixing parts and putting the body together takes time, it is best to stick to original parts and accessories. Looking for car parts is the tough part. Finding original chassis, bumpers, wheels etc is rare which adds value to the cars.
In Mumbai, spare parts of the Beetle, Mercedes, Rolls Royce P-1 and P-2 and others can be found in Chor Bazaar or the Kurla scrap yard. Most owners however import parts, because they’re usually more authentic.
“I looked for a 12 part, 7.2 liter cylinder for my 1971 V-12, E type Jaguar convertible for 2 years and finally had to get it imported from Dubai.” says Mr. Vivek Goenka who owns 15 vintage cars, including the Humber, the ’46 Cadillac and a Mustang (that he is re-painting in bright orange) among many others.
The prices of vintage cars differ on the make and the condition of the car, not merely by year of manufacturer. For example a 1971 E-type Jaguar will probably cost more than a 1940’s Rolls Royce. Then again, same car Jaguar can be bought at half the price of a Rolls Royce if its condition is not as good. Maintaining these babies can cost anywhere between Rs.50, 000 to Rs.2 lac annually depending on the model and amount of work it requires.
Other than tons of cash, make sure you have a garage to keep your expensive classic.
“The less moisture the better for your little vintage baby, so having blowers in and around your car, to keep it from rusting, is a great idea.” says Mr. Sunil Shetty, who restores and maintains all of Mr. Goenka’s cars in his garage at Lower Parel.
Vintages need to be greased and oiled from time to time. The less these cars are used the more you need to oil them. Also the more common the car, the easier it gets to restore it. For example, Mumbai has about sixteen 1968-69 model Beetles. So owners exchange information about upholstery, running and spare parts.
Beetles are the easiest to maintain, the fuel consumption is also relatively lower than other cars, like the Jaguar Mark X, Jaguar E type, the 1950 300 series Mercedes Benz which are fuel guzzlers.
Mr. Burt Masceranes from Bandra who is the proud owner of two ’69 Beetles and a ’47 Ford V-8 model says, “It takes skill and experience to drive a car that old. You can’t afford to rip the car as soon as you get behind the wheel, patience is required. Most people make the mistake of opening up the cylinder valves (by accelerating to much) too quickly while driving and this could damage the entire engine. It is very important to get the feel of the car, these are not just cars for showing off, and unless you have true love and knowledge about the car it shouldn’t be driven by you. These are classic beauties; you need to treat them with respect.”
Although these are not everyday use cars, you can’t miss a chance at entering you car at the Annual Vintage Rally held by the Mumbai-based Vintage and Classic Car Club of India (VCCCI).
All the effort you put into your mean machine will pay off, when you make all those heads turn!
We’ve all been lured by the classic chromed beauty, we’ve dreamed of the miles of pleasure behind the wheel, the places we’d go and of course all those admiring looks! But nothing comes easy.
Be prepared to invest your time, money and effort to keep your mobile treasure in mint condition. Take it from me, learnt the hard way…
To own and maintain a vintage car needs passion and thorough knowledge on the subject. Restoring a classic can be time consuming, but immensely satisfying and fun. Most classic car collectors/owners love the process of restoring a car or keeping it running.
The best buys in vintage cars are the ones which come with their original body and engine, no matter what condition
Re-painting, fixing parts and putting the body together takes time, it is best to stick to original parts and accessories. Looking for car parts is the tough part. Finding original chassis, bumpers, wheels etc is rare which adds value to the cars.
In Mumbai, spare parts of the Beetle, Mercedes, Rolls Royce P-1 and P-2 and others can be found in Chor Bazaar or the Kurla scrap yard. Most owners however import parts, because they’re usually more authentic.
“I looked for a 12 part, 7.2 liter cylinder for my 1971 V-12, E type Jaguar convertible for 2 years and finally had to get it imported from Dubai.” says Mr. Vivek Goenka who owns 15 vintage cars, including the Humber, the ’46 Cadillac and a Mustang (that he is re-painting in bright orange) among many others.
The prices of vintage cars differ on the make and the condition of the car, not merely by year of manufacturer. For example a 1971 E-type Jaguar will probably cost more than a 1940’s Rolls Royce. Then again, same car Jaguar can be bought at half the price of a Rolls Royce if its condition is not as good. Maintaining these babies can cost anywhere between Rs.50, 000 to Rs.2 lac annually depending on the model and amount of work it requires.
Other than tons of cash, make sure you have a garage to keep your expensive classic.
“The less moisture the better for your little vintage baby, so having blowers in and around your car, to keep it from rusting, is a great idea.” says Mr. Sunil Shetty, who restores and maintains all of Mr. Goenka’s cars in his garage at Lower Parel.
Vintages need to be greased and oiled from time to time. The less these cars are used the more you need to oil them. Also the more common the car, the easier it gets to restore it. For example, Mumbai has about sixteen 1968-69 model Beetles. So owners exchange information about upholstery, running and spare parts.
Beetles are the easiest to maintain, the fuel consumption is also relatively lower than other cars, like the Jaguar Mark X, Jaguar E type, the 1950 300 series Mercedes Benz which are fuel guzzlers.
Mr. Burt Masceranes from Bandra who is the proud owner of two ’69 Beetles and a ’47 Ford V-8 model says, “It takes skill and experience to drive a car that old. You can’t afford to rip the car as soon as you get behind the wheel, patience is required. Most people make the mistake of opening up the cylinder valves (by accelerating to much) too quickly while driving and this could damage the entire engine. It is very important to get the feel of the car, these are not just cars for showing off, and unless you have true love and knowledge about the car it shouldn’t be driven by you. These are classic beauties; you need to treat them with respect.”
Although these are not everyday use cars, you can’t miss a chance at entering you car at the Annual Vintage Rally held by the Mumbai-based Vintage and Classic Car Club of India (VCCCI).
All the effort you put into your mean machine will pay off, when you make all those heads turn!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
FACE IT
I've always been proud of some friendships I have. They've been through the years and they're still good to me. These friendships have seen me grow up, and anytime they needed me I've been there for them as I think they have been for me.
These friendships are the ones i cherish the most, it's because they MEAN SO MUCH to me...that some times I have put them before my safety, my work, my dance and my family.
These friendships are the ones I trust with my heart not to hurt me, the ones I have sometimes trusted more than my family, and that in a way made THEM FAMILY.
It's these friendships that I have turned to every now and then, and I know i have never treated them like they were second to anything. They were always on the top of my priority list. But obviously somewhere down the line things changed and i wasn't on their priority list anymore. It felt like i was holding sand..
I tried and tried, and yet they slowly began to slip away,but they were still family.
They began to distance themselves, and i knew this, i saw it...and yet they were family.
They began to distance themselves from Me and not eachother.....and yet..they were family.
They always will be. And maybe thats why it hurts so bad, when they distance themselves so much that even when I'm in front of them (as rare as it may be) they don't see me. They overlook me...They are eachothers priority and I'm not on that list.
Maybe I've been watchin it happen over sometime now...and i've known all along, and hoped for it to change. But i realized that hope wasn't enough. So i began making an effort.
When that fails, both ur effort and your hope...you begin to doubt yourself. So i began to doubt myself. Maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I'm not good enough for them, for the friendships.
And the reassureance of this doubt, comes in the smallest ways on the biggest days...
Days that are special to them, and your not included in making it special for them.
When i'm not invited to make it special.
Question is....when did I start needing an invitation to make a dear friendships special day more special?
The answer was staring me in my face and this time i had to face it...It's when they're friendships mattered to them more than mine EVER did....
And sometimes it takes the smallest things to make you realize what a big fool you've been through all those years.
These friendships are the ones i cherish the most, it's because they MEAN SO MUCH to me...that some times I have put them before my safety, my work, my dance and my family.
These friendships are the ones I trust with my heart not to hurt me, the ones I have sometimes trusted more than my family, and that in a way made THEM FAMILY.
It's these friendships that I have turned to every now and then, and I know i have never treated them like they were second to anything. They were always on the top of my priority list. But obviously somewhere down the line things changed and i wasn't on their priority list anymore. It felt like i was holding sand..
I tried and tried, and yet they slowly began to slip away,but they were still family.
They began to distance themselves, and i knew this, i saw it...and yet they were family.
They began to distance themselves from Me and not eachother.....and yet..they were family.
They always will be. And maybe thats why it hurts so bad, when they distance themselves so much that even when I'm in front of them (as rare as it may be) they don't see me. They overlook me...They are eachothers priority and I'm not on that list.
Maybe I've been watchin it happen over sometime now...and i've known all along, and hoped for it to change. But i realized that hope wasn't enough. So i began making an effort.
When that fails, both ur effort and your hope...you begin to doubt yourself. So i began to doubt myself. Maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I'm not good enough for them, for the friendships.
And the reassureance of this doubt, comes in the smallest ways on the biggest days...
Days that are special to them, and your not included in making it special for them.
When i'm not invited to make it special.
Question is....when did I start needing an invitation to make a dear friendships special day more special?
The answer was staring me in my face and this time i had to face it...It's when they're friendships mattered to them more than mine EVER did....
And sometimes it takes the smallest things to make you realize what a big fool you've been through all those years.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Innocence
Gunshots, bloodshed, tear stained faces,
Scars and sirens, No safe places
Every move is death, they await your arrival
I wait for them to leave with bated breath,
No sound, no food, I'm deprived of freedom,
Is this how it's supposed to be, God's kingdom?
My teacher says, home's the safest place on earth,
But daddy was killed here by the fireplace
Not before they called him 'dirt'
They took Ma away that day and what happened to her
No one will say
"You're too young Farah jan, tis not for your ears",
The 'rich' kids laugh at me, I can hear their jeers,
Now khala walks me to school and back,
The school bulding is holding up even after the bomb made a big crack,
Not many girls attend now, their parents won't let them come
They're afraid their daughter may be shot by a gun
For now it's war, but one day it will stop and home will be safe again,
Teacher says,"Hope: never give up"
Ma and daddy will come back someday
I will pray very hard, say all the words right, everyday
I'll pray for peace and to bring my parents back,
Hopefully next week on my fifth birthday
Scars and sirens, No safe places
Every move is death, they await your arrival
I wait for them to leave with bated breath,
No sound, no food, I'm deprived of freedom,
Is this how it's supposed to be, God's kingdom?
My teacher says, home's the safest place on earth,
But daddy was killed here by the fireplace
Not before they called him 'dirt'
They took Ma away that day and what happened to her
No one will say
"You're too young Farah jan, tis not for your ears",
The 'rich' kids laugh at me, I can hear their jeers,
Now khala walks me to school and back,
The school bulding is holding up even after the bomb made a big crack,
Not many girls attend now, their parents won't let them come
They're afraid their daughter may be shot by a gun
For now it's war, but one day it will stop and home will be safe again,
Teacher says,"Hope: never give up"
Ma and daddy will come back someday
I will pray very hard, say all the words right, everyday
I'll pray for peace and to bring my parents back,
Hopefully next week on my fifth birthday
Friday, January 9, 2009
THE GREAT DIVIDE
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus they say.
Who says?
Are men and women really as different as they’re made out to be?
Men are the office goers, BUT…
In the corporate world today, women rule the roost as much as men and the battle of the sexes seem to be taking a new direction. Wake up chauvinists, we have a woman president! And ICICI just appointed their third woman CEO. (Smile)
Women walk into offices with great élan and many-a-time get more work done than men. It’s probably because we don’t think of sex every two minutes.
As the female sect climbs the corporate ladder the men seem to be busy taking care of them selves. Yes, the metro-sexual man is here, who said only women worry over their appearance?
Men are hitting the parlours in hoards, getting facials and pedicures and what not. To prove it further we have our very own counterpart ‘Fairness’ cream for men, and its selling by the dozen says the banya waala below my building.
As if that wasn’t enough, men sit shoulder to shoulder with our lot and critically eye our hair dos. Yeah right, like you guys ever have bad hair days!
The one room in the house that men seem to be better in than women is the kitchen!
Men are better cooks than women says, GQ magazine and a kazallion other research sites. Is it any wonder then, that we have a male dominated kitchen at food joints and 5 stars, with their chefs being mostly men I wonder why women do the cooking at home?
Outer appearance and work trends are not the only things making a switch with the sexes.
The new saying is, ‘Tears are the mark of masculinity and so are pink shirts.’
Wasn’t pink THE girl colour? Up until yesterday, I couldn’t find a single shop that sold pink to boys and now they line up for pink shirts and tees and what not.
And by the way ladies, next time you’re on a date at the movies, carry a handkerchief. You never know when the guy in the next seat begins to bawl.
Coming to, the last straw: feelings.
Emotionally we’re all fools, be it Adam or Eve. There’s no making fun of feelings, that’s just cruel, and I’m no Cruella. Although we pretend to never really understand our spouse or the other half that this worlds made of we’re all human (hate to admit it).
We all laugh, we cry, we biker, we love, we fight, we forgive and forget.
It’s a cant live or without them situation. And try as we might to evade this and pretend not to give a shit, at some level we NEED the other half.
And so maybe we’re not all that different from the each other. Maybe the great divide is a gigantic piece of our imagination.
Who says?
Are men and women really as different as they’re made out to be?
Men are the office goers, BUT…
In the corporate world today, women rule the roost as much as men and the battle of the sexes seem to be taking a new direction. Wake up chauvinists, we have a woman president! And ICICI just appointed their third woman CEO. (Smile)
Women walk into offices with great élan and many-a-time get more work done than men. It’s probably because we don’t think of sex every two minutes.
As the female sect climbs the corporate ladder the men seem to be busy taking care of them selves. Yes, the metro-sexual man is here, who said only women worry over their appearance?
Men are hitting the parlours in hoards, getting facials and pedicures and what not. To prove it further we have our very own counterpart ‘Fairness’ cream for men, and its selling by the dozen says the banya waala below my building.
As if that wasn’t enough, men sit shoulder to shoulder with our lot and critically eye our hair dos. Yeah right, like you guys ever have bad hair days!
The one room in the house that men seem to be better in than women is the kitchen!
Men are better cooks than women says, GQ magazine and a kazallion other research sites. Is it any wonder then, that we have a male dominated kitchen at food joints and 5 stars, with their chefs being mostly men I wonder why women do the cooking at home?
Outer appearance and work trends are not the only things making a switch with the sexes.
The new saying is, ‘Tears are the mark of masculinity and so are pink shirts.’
Wasn’t pink THE girl colour? Up until yesterday, I couldn’t find a single shop that sold pink to boys and now they line up for pink shirts and tees and what not.
And by the way ladies, next time you’re on a date at the movies, carry a handkerchief. You never know when the guy in the next seat begins to bawl.
Coming to, the last straw: feelings.
Emotionally we’re all fools, be it Adam or Eve. There’s no making fun of feelings, that’s just cruel, and I’m no Cruella. Although we pretend to never really understand our spouse or the other half that this worlds made of we’re all human (hate to admit it).
We all laugh, we cry, we biker, we love, we fight, we forgive and forget.
It’s a cant live or without them situation. And try as we might to evade this and pretend not to give a shit, at some level we NEED the other half.
And so maybe we’re not all that different from the each other. Maybe the great divide is a gigantic piece of our imagination.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Okay, henceforth this place is going to be my Diary...im going to put forward questions for you, (this applies to the sane people) you can advice me on what to do about my situations...Deal?
I'm simply complicated, atleast i like to believe so, coz it makes me feel important, no im not dillusional or attention seekin.
Now i'm repeating, only if u are sane and can handle my confused and dazed state will you give me advice...ok? got it?
So, here goes...
I have the very prestigeous BMM board exams comin up next week. i shud be studyin but i find that most of my day goes into lookin at my computer screen. Now here's why...i keep lookin forwrd to meetin this particular person online...we dunt tok much but when we do...it cliks.
I feel like i can trust this person. Talk to them about things i wudnt usually tell myself in the mirror...i admit my flaws (not that i have many) and i even let them into my deepest darkest secrets... the flaws r not skin deep.
I feel a kind of attachment there...and im dead sure its one sided...how do u deal with sum1 who may or may not be real? sum1 who may/maynot be lying about thmselves ...sum1 u dunt knw at all...and yet you do. Some one u think is there, but juss may be a prank and yet you giv into them, let them see the real u....my question is, WHY?
is it that we find a real connection with people we dont see? do we feel safer and more comfortable tellin strangers (who may or maynot exist) what we really are about? has it come to that stage where we no longer can look some one in the eye without doubting them, doubting our trust in them...
or do we depend on technology to build our relationships....
or are we simply intrigued by wht we cannot see? are we juss curious creatures....maybe the attachment is real because the other person (who may or maynot be real) is sum1 u think is ur comfort zone...u at the other end...
I'm simply complicated, atleast i like to believe so, coz it makes me feel important, no im not dillusional or attention seekin.
Now i'm repeating, only if u are sane and can handle my confused and dazed state will you give me advice...ok? got it?
So, here goes...
I have the very prestigeous BMM board exams comin up next week. i shud be studyin but i find that most of my day goes into lookin at my computer screen. Now here's why...i keep lookin forwrd to meetin this particular person online...we dunt tok much but when we do...it cliks.
I feel like i can trust this person. Talk to them about things i wudnt usually tell myself in the mirror...i admit my flaws (not that i have many) and i even let them into my deepest darkest secrets... the flaws r not skin deep.
I feel a kind of attachment there...and im dead sure its one sided...how do u deal with sum1 who may or may not be real? sum1 who may/maynot be lying about thmselves ...sum1 u dunt knw at all...and yet you do. Some one u think is there, but juss may be a prank and yet you giv into them, let them see the real u....my question is, WHY?
is it that we find a real connection with people we dont see? do we feel safer and more comfortable tellin strangers (who may or maynot exist) what we really are about? has it come to that stage where we no longer can look some one in the eye without doubting them, doubting our trust in them...
or do we depend on technology to build our relationships....
or are we simply intrigued by wht we cannot see? are we juss curious creatures....maybe the attachment is real because the other person (who may or maynot be real) is sum1 u think is ur comfort zone...u at the other end...
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