I've always been proud of some friendships I have. They've been through the years and they're still good to me. These friendships have seen me grow up, and anytime they needed me I've been there for them as I think they have been for me.
These friendships are the ones i cherish the most, it's because they MEAN SO MUCH to me...that some times I have put them before my safety, my work, my dance and my family.
These friendships are the ones I trust with my heart not to hurt me, the ones I have sometimes trusted more than my family, and that in a way made THEM FAMILY.
It's these friendships that I have turned to every now and then, and I know i have never treated them like they were second to anything. They were always on the top of my priority list. But obviously somewhere down the line things changed and i wasn't on their priority list anymore. It felt like i was holding sand..
I tried and tried, and yet they slowly began to slip away,but they were still family.
They began to distance themselves, and i knew this, i saw it...and yet they were family.
They began to distance themselves from Me and not eachother.....and yet..they were family.
They always will be. And maybe thats why it hurts so bad, when they distance themselves so much that even when I'm in front of them (as rare as it may be) they don't see me. They overlook me...They are eachothers priority and I'm not on that list.
Maybe I've been watchin it happen over sometime now...and i've known all along, and hoped for it to change. But i realized that hope wasn't enough. So i began making an effort.
When that fails, both ur effort and your hope...you begin to doubt yourself. So i began to doubt myself. Maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I'm not good enough for them, for the friendships.
And the reassureance of this doubt, comes in the smallest ways on the biggest days...
Days that are special to them, and your not included in making it special for them.
When i'm not invited to make it special.
Question is....when did I start needing an invitation to make a dear friendships special day more special?
The answer was staring me in my face and this time i had to face it...It's when they're friendships mattered to them more than mine EVER did....
And sometimes it takes the smallest things to make you realize what a big fool you've been through all those years.
2 comments:
hey; its very difficult when a friend tries to distance herself or himself. I have been through it, at the end of all that; it feels like i am the fool. Till things are under the sphere of influence, they will seem till the time when we find nothing can be done to mend the distance. By the way, i remembered somethings of my past life. Nice blog...keep it up!! :) :)
I dont know how .... a coincidence or something.
I can completely relate to it.
But its cool :) Life is too long and one day i'll forget and someday we'll meet and then i'll chill with them as if nothing ever happened. I have too many good memories to remember the weird one's!
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