“You’re lying Trisha”
No I’m not
“Yes, you are!”
Alright I am…
“When did you move on?”
I didn’t move on
“You just said so yourself!”
If you think I’m lying then why are you asking me?
“Because I can’t and I never could tell when you’re lying”
It’s because you’ve never known me…truly known me…
“When Trisha?...WHEN!”
Why are you yelling?
“Because you’re lying with a straight face”
I’m not lying with a straight face….I’m just calm
“Yeah right! Everything…you take everything for granted.
I did…I don’t anymore, I’m too careful now
“Careful?!!! You have been reckless, impulsive and you’ve been all over the place!”
I have been reckless, impulsive and all over the place…
“What!”
What
“Why the fuck are you repeating everything I’m saying?”
I’m not; it’s what I’m saying…
“You’ve never thought for yourself …always listened to those who influence you”
I’ve never listened to anyone
“Including me, you’ve never listened to me either….”
I never will
“See, you’re such a stubborn bitch!”
Always…always have been
“Why are you talking like this?”
I’m being normal; I’m making an effort, why are you still yelling?
“Are you crazy? I haven’t been yelling”
I can hear you…
“You hear and never fucking listen! You’re always lying to me…when the fuck did you move on? And to whom?”
I haven’t moved on…
“Who is he?”
I don’t know
“He’s just using you! Can’t you see…”
Who are you talking about…
“The guy…”
The guy I have moved on to…
“Yes that guy! He’s going to hurt you…”
But I haven’t moved on…
“Why are you lying again….?!”
When have you ever believed me…when have you ever listened to me...When did I move on? WHO did you hear from?!
I haven’t moved on…you have….
and I’m the one that’s lying…..
PS- i walked away from the mirror
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I'm Back
I saw her pictures today; I knew I was insane to feel like this.
To feel betrayed and jealous. I never did expect anything from what we shared. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, we never had time and I had accepted it. I knew all of this, except, when I saw her pictures today I also knew that I had fallen for him.
They looked happy, he looked happy. And I had been happy up until that moment.
For the first time in months…in months of not feeling anything, I felt hurt. Deeply hurt and alone… foolish: some would call it.
I too think it is foolish, but I didn’t see it coming… I knew about the ‘fools in love phase’ never thought I’d be one, never saw it coming.
I saw them together and wanted to curl up and cry…for the first time in months I let myself get carried away in my own head. But for the first time in months I am feeling. It feels good to feel something rather than all the nothing I was feeling…
I can accept that he is not mine…never was and no chances of ‘ever will be’. I can accept that we had our moment and it’s gone. I can accept that I feel miserable, because it feels good to be human again…it feels good to know that I can be hurt, that I haven’t cut off from emotions…well not entirely atleast…
To feel betrayed and jealous. I never did expect anything from what we shared. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, we never had time and I had accepted it. I knew all of this, except, when I saw her pictures today I also knew that I had fallen for him.
They looked happy, he looked happy. And I had been happy up until that moment.
For the first time in months…in months of not feeling anything, I felt hurt. Deeply hurt and alone… foolish: some would call it.
I too think it is foolish, but I didn’t see it coming… I knew about the ‘fools in love phase’ never thought I’d be one, never saw it coming.
I saw them together and wanted to curl up and cry…for the first time in months I let myself get carried away in my own head. But for the first time in months I am feeling. It feels good to feel something rather than all the nothing I was feeling…
I can accept that he is not mine…never was and no chances of ‘ever will be’. I can accept that we had our moment and it’s gone. I can accept that I feel miserable, because it feels good to be human again…it feels good to know that I can be hurt, that I haven’t cut off from emotions…well not entirely atleast…
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Star
The song 'She's like a star' was stuck in my head....
My version ....
He’s like a star!
Looks like he’s in my reach and yet so far
Shinning, calling, inviting to explore
He’s what I can’t have and then some more…
but I really like what he’s done to me
Makes me want to reach out
to a place I thought I’d never see…
He makes me a better person, I never thought I’d be
He’s my morning voice that calls from a distant dream
the worlds a better place or so he makes it seem
Needs leave me wanting more
peace of mind, that’s one of a kind
keeps me sane through the daily grind…
Addictive to watch and that’s all
so far along It makes me feel small
He feels my fear and brings me home
To a place I feel like I belong, and I know
I’m not alone
Cause…he’s like a star!
My version ....
He’s like a star!
Looks like he’s in my reach and yet so far
Shinning, calling, inviting to explore
He’s what I can’t have and then some more…
but I really like what he’s done to me
Makes me want to reach out
to a place I thought I’d never see…
He makes me a better person, I never thought I’d be
He’s my morning voice that calls from a distant dream
the worlds a better place or so he makes it seem
Needs leave me wanting more
peace of mind, that’s one of a kind
keeps me sane through the daily grind…
Addictive to watch and that’s all
so far along It makes me feel small
He feels my fear and brings me home
To a place I feel like I belong, and I know
I’m not alone
Cause…he’s like a star!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
bitch
Women lie to each other all the time.
Here’s a truth the fairer sex cannot escape.
We falsely give hope and encourage one another to make complete asses of ourselves. “He’ll call you” or the famous, “He’s playing hard to get cause he really likes you”.
We have our heads wrapped around fairy tale fantasies of princes and princesses, of thin waist lines and magical kisses, of white knights and happy endings.
Pardon the rain on your sunny day, but let's face it; it’s not an ending if it’s happy. We routinely believe in 'happily ever after', but we don’t know what that ‘after’ really holds for the two characters or what ‘happy’ really means.
Call me a hypocrite or a cynic (if you please) but women are delusional, including yours truly.
Karma doesn’t work when your lying you know, just cause you say “Oh my god! you look so thin”, doesn’t mean its coming right back at you and it sure as hell doesn't go into your good deeds account.
When was the last time you looked your girlfriend in the eye and told her, ‘You look hideous today’ or ‘go for a walk, you need it’.
Who is going to tell us to stop being so dam fake and sugar coated if not us?
Thankfully there are a few of our kind who dare to step out of the stereotype. You know the one which has rules about how we treat one another.
RULE No.
1) Never be to harsh, you don’t want to hurt her feelings
2) Your supposed to see the best in her
3) Protect her from any harm
Question…How will she learn if she doesn’t get hurt? Who, if not you, will point out her faults and do you really want her to believe that something’s great when its not?
Do we WANT to dupe other women by being polite?
Isn’t it unfair to do this to ourselves? Forgive my pity for our sex but it is pathetic. We find ways to make it okay for each other and pretend that everything is going to be fine.
The ones who stick out, popularly known as the ‘BITCHES’ are really the ones you want to be friends with. You’ll find, the ones that know how to shoot the truth, are least appealing
These are the ones who will say, ‘your boyfriend is a jerk, what’re you doing with him?’ or ‘Stop it, he doesn’t like you, in fact he loathes you’. My personal favorite are the ones that go, “So stop complaining and get on the treadmill!”
Here's my advice, to those heroic enough to take it, get your self a bunch of ‘bitches’. It may not sound very attractive, but trust me; it helps in the long run. (I'm always optimistic.)
You may start seeing the reality of everything once they (if you can’t see for yourself) show you.
We need to snap out of wonderland and hit reality. See things for what they are, for what WE are.
And reality girls, is that it’s much healthier to have a REAL bitch than a fake one.
Knock yourselves out ladies, because the bitch brigade is here.
P.S. – Love my bitches.
Here’s a truth the fairer sex cannot escape.
We falsely give hope and encourage one another to make complete asses of ourselves. “He’ll call you” or the famous, “He’s playing hard to get cause he really likes you”.
We have our heads wrapped around fairy tale fantasies of princes and princesses, of thin waist lines and magical kisses, of white knights and happy endings.
Pardon the rain on your sunny day, but let's face it; it’s not an ending if it’s happy. We routinely believe in 'happily ever after', but we don’t know what that ‘after’ really holds for the two characters or what ‘happy’ really means.
Call me a hypocrite or a cynic (if you please) but women are delusional, including yours truly.
Karma doesn’t work when your lying you know, just cause you say “Oh my god! you look so thin”, doesn’t mean its coming right back at you and it sure as hell doesn't go into your good deeds account.
When was the last time you looked your girlfriend in the eye and told her, ‘You look hideous today’ or ‘go for a walk, you need it’.
Who is going to tell us to stop being so dam fake and sugar coated if not us?
Thankfully there are a few of our kind who dare to step out of the stereotype. You know the one which has rules about how we treat one another.
RULE No.
1) Never be to harsh, you don’t want to hurt her feelings
2) Your supposed to see the best in her
3) Protect her from any harm
Question…How will she learn if she doesn’t get hurt? Who, if not you, will point out her faults and do you really want her to believe that something’s great when its not?
Do we WANT to dupe other women by being polite?
Isn’t it unfair to do this to ourselves? Forgive my pity for our sex but it is pathetic. We find ways to make it okay for each other and pretend that everything is going to be fine.
The ones who stick out, popularly known as the ‘BITCHES’ are really the ones you want to be friends with. You’ll find, the ones that know how to shoot the truth, are least appealing
These are the ones who will say, ‘your boyfriend is a jerk, what’re you doing with him?’ or ‘Stop it, he doesn’t like you, in fact he loathes you’. My personal favorite are the ones that go, “So stop complaining and get on the treadmill!”
Here's my advice, to those heroic enough to take it, get your self a bunch of ‘bitches’. It may not sound very attractive, but trust me; it helps in the long run. (I'm always optimistic.)
You may start seeing the reality of everything once they (if you can’t see for yourself) show you.
We need to snap out of wonderland and hit reality. See things for what they are, for what WE are.
And reality girls, is that it’s much healthier to have a REAL bitch than a fake one.
Knock yourselves out ladies, because the bitch brigade is here.
P.S. – Love my bitches.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
25 things...
Ok, let’s see…here are 25 things you probably didn’t know about me….
1. I hate the flavour Chocolate, I’d much rather pick vanilla or a fruity flavour.
So the next time u guys are buying my birthday cake, you know what Not to get!
2 My first love is not/was not and will never be a person. I’ve been in love with
dancing ever since I can remember…it’s my first love!
3 Most of you wouldn’t know this..as much as I may come across as a hip-hop
person..I’m actually a classical ballet dancer. I started ballet at the age of
seven and carried on for six years, but unfortunately I had to stop!
4. I had to stop dancing ballet because I broke my ankle playing football in school
in the ninth standard. That is the only reason I stopped ballet.
5. I always wanted to attend ABC, American Ballet Company and wanted to be a
professional ballet dancer.
6. You’d never guess unless you were from my school, that I was nominated for the
Head Girl position against one other girl…yeah I know...under all the party girl
image is a ‘serious’ girl.
7. For those who have sat in the passenger seat, you’re the witness…..I Love singing
loudly (along with the radio / c.d.) while I’m driving and sometimes do a little
step or jig with my hands…I’ve scandalized a policeman once when I was driving
and dancing.
8. I used to be a tom boy...when I was younger…I only wore loose pants and t-shirts,
beat up guys and never grew my hair!!!!.....I think that’s why mummy put me in
ballet.
9. I’ve had my heart broken pretty badly…so much so that I went overboard with the
over eating and put on 9 kg’s….been desperately trying to loose the weight since
then!
10. When I’m really pissed off….I CRY.
11. I love traveling….I want to see the world…mostly ‘third world’ countries as they
are called.
12. I’m a very sensitive person….I won’t show it but little things, words and
gestures can affect me like crazyyyy…
13. I put friends before family….and my mom pointed this out even when I didn’t
realize it…I tend to be there for friends who I love very much more than family…
I’m a peoples person…I hate not being around my friends…
14. I collect stickers…I have this insane sticker book…it has all the cartoon
characters, like tom and jerry, little mermaid…I pick up stickers whenever and
wherever I can.
15. I am very very patient, I can take things till it reaches the brim…but if u get
beyond that point….stay away from me…I’m a different person when I’m angry..
16. If I’m hurt…then I tend to disconnect from the world…I’ve lost many friends
because of this, but I still love them very much…they don’t understand that I
need the space and I’m usually scared to sort things out…so sometimes I just cut-
off…
17. I love surprises...the good kind...and i love art and craft..
18. I’m a football fan….Correction…Chelsea fan!!! .I used to play for school and
after school as well.
19. I love old hindi songs….and I know the lyrics to almost all old hindi songs…
20. My best year In college…was the first year of junior college in HR….when I met
amrita, harsh, ruksheen and gang and discovered freedom…and partying….!!
21. I’m a clean freak!...I hate seeing things dirty…ask any room mate…I have
actually cleaned the bathroom at a hotel on the Goa I.V…i also carry hand
santizer everywhere i go
22. I love outdoor sports…I enjoy trekking, rappelling, river crossing and mountain
climbing…as a kid I went to outdoor camps every summer. once i had to melt snow
to have a bath after four days at this one camp..
23. I survived the Tsunami…was in Sri Lanka when it happened…the hotel I was in sank
cause it was on a sand bar…and my family and 1 barely got out…
24. I have a huge phobia of the open sea…not being on the surface...but being in the
water and not seeing anything around but water….oh and I’m shit scared of moths
and butterflies…
25. my Pet name is Kitu...
SMILES....
1. I hate the flavour Chocolate, I’d much rather pick vanilla or a fruity flavour.
So the next time u guys are buying my birthday cake, you know what Not to get!
2 My first love is not/was not and will never be a person. I’ve been in love with
dancing ever since I can remember…it’s my first love!
3 Most of you wouldn’t know this..as much as I may come across as a hip-hop
person..I’m actually a classical ballet dancer. I started ballet at the age of
seven and carried on for six years, but unfortunately I had to stop!
4. I had to stop dancing ballet because I broke my ankle playing football in school
in the ninth standard. That is the only reason I stopped ballet.
5. I always wanted to attend ABC, American Ballet Company and wanted to be a
professional ballet dancer.
6. You’d never guess unless you were from my school, that I was nominated for the
Head Girl position against one other girl…yeah I know...under all the party girl
image is a ‘serious’ girl.
7. For those who have sat in the passenger seat, you’re the witness…..I Love singing
loudly (along with the radio / c.d.) while I’m driving and sometimes do a little
step or jig with my hands…I’ve scandalized a policeman once when I was driving
and dancing.
8. I used to be a tom boy...when I was younger…I only wore loose pants and t-shirts,
beat up guys and never grew my hair!!!!.....I think that’s why mummy put me in
ballet.
9. I’ve had my heart broken pretty badly…so much so that I went overboard with the
over eating and put on 9 kg’s….been desperately trying to loose the weight since
then!
10. When I’m really pissed off….I CRY.
11. I love traveling….I want to see the world…mostly ‘third world’ countries as they
are called.
12. I’m a very sensitive person….I won’t show it but little things, words and
gestures can affect me like crazyyyy…
13. I put friends before family….and my mom pointed this out even when I didn’t
realize it…I tend to be there for friends who I love very much more than family…
I’m a peoples person…I hate not being around my friends…
14. I collect stickers…I have this insane sticker book…it has all the cartoon
characters, like tom and jerry, little mermaid…I pick up stickers whenever and
wherever I can.
15. I am very very patient, I can take things till it reaches the brim…but if u get
beyond that point….stay away from me…I’m a different person when I’m angry..
16. If I’m hurt…then I tend to disconnect from the world…I’ve lost many friends
because of this, but I still love them very much…they don’t understand that I
need the space and I’m usually scared to sort things out…so sometimes I just cut-
off…
17. I love surprises...the good kind...and i love art and craft..
18. I’m a football fan….Correction…Chelsea fan!!! .I used to play for school and
after school as well.
19. I love old hindi songs….and I know the lyrics to almost all old hindi songs…
20. My best year In college…was the first year of junior college in HR….when I met
amrita, harsh, ruksheen and gang and discovered freedom…and partying….!!
21. I’m a clean freak!...I hate seeing things dirty…ask any room mate…I have
actually cleaned the bathroom at a hotel on the Goa I.V…i also carry hand
santizer everywhere i go
22. I love outdoor sports…I enjoy trekking, rappelling, river crossing and mountain
climbing…as a kid I went to outdoor camps every summer. once i had to melt snow
to have a bath after four days at this one camp..
23. I survived the Tsunami…was in Sri Lanka when it happened…the hotel I was in sank
cause it was on a sand bar…and my family and 1 barely got out…
24. I have a huge phobia of the open sea…not being on the surface...but being in the
water and not seeing anything around but water….oh and I’m shit scared of moths
and butterflies…
25. my Pet name is Kitu...
SMILES....
For Crying out loud
All the leaves fell on a winter’s day
The trees stopped swaying in the middle of May
The water turned brown
The lion don’t wear the crown
who noticed anyway?
The mountains look pale, with no green or white
The trees' felling and no snow in sight
The sun sees no shine on hay
but who noticed anyway?
The birds don’t sing in the silent spring
The waterfalls, gleam, forgot to bring
Nature’s joy isn’t here to resound
Mother Earths lament is a distant sound
who noticed anyway?
Who noticed anyway?-- Trisha Roy
It's a Choice
Life goes by as a blur, and you don’t realize till you stop to take a look around.
Most of us don’t have the time to stop and look around.
Look back, and see what we’re missing out on. All the memories we don’t have time to think about, all the memories we’re in a hurry to forget.
We run so fast that we leave everything behind, or we push things out of our way in a hurry to get to where we want to be. And the journey itself is lost.
How fast student life went by, it was like the blink of an eye.
Who won’t miss the carefree days? Who won’t want to walk up dingy stairs that smell like mould and sit in chairs that creak? Which one of us doesn’t want to run to the school bus again, to get home to watch cartoons?
How many of us regret not doing those things we could have done…those things we had the time to do…
Play in the mud, stroll in the rain, and aimlessly watch the sky on a starry night…
Do we not want to bunk lectures just one more time…photocopy projects and wit the professors? How much would we give to go back? All the days we had to find something to do to keep ourselves preoccupied…
How quickly they went by…gone like a flash…an entire fragment of our lives…just gone.
Grown up now…and so much to do…
work…work and work…
So much to do… and so much we choose not to do…
Walk in the park? Stroll in the rain? Play in the mud? Run for a bus again? Go home and watch cartoons?
Do we really have to miss out...do we have to miss it at all?
Life goes by in a blur and we don’t realize it till we stop to take a look at ourselves…
Most of us don’t have the time to stop and look around.
Look back, and see what we’re missing out on. All the memories we don’t have time to think about, all the memories we’re in a hurry to forget.
We run so fast that we leave everything behind, or we push things out of our way in a hurry to get to where we want to be. And the journey itself is lost.
How fast student life went by, it was like the blink of an eye.
Who won’t miss the carefree days? Who won’t want to walk up dingy stairs that smell like mould and sit in chairs that creak? Which one of us doesn’t want to run to the school bus again, to get home to watch cartoons?
How many of us regret not doing those things we could have done…those things we had the time to do…
Play in the mud, stroll in the rain, and aimlessly watch the sky on a starry night…
Do we not want to bunk lectures just one more time…photocopy projects and wit the professors? How much would we give to go back? All the days we had to find something to do to keep ourselves preoccupied…
How quickly they went by…gone like a flash…an entire fragment of our lives…just gone.
Grown up now…and so much to do…
work…work and work…
So much to do… and so much we choose not to do…
Walk in the park? Stroll in the rain? Play in the mud? Run for a bus again? Go home and watch cartoons?
Do we really have to miss out...do we have to miss it at all?
Life goes by in a blur and we don’t realize it till we stop to take a look at ourselves…
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